Things you may not know about having a baby

Fair Warning: this blog post may just be too much information for some.

After giving birth to my fourth baby, I thought it was about time I wrote something of the little lessons I’ve learnt. Things that don’t often get talked about. 

It’s not my intention to be negative about birth – hey, I went back a fourth time so I truly believe it’s worth it. I think it’s nice to be prepared and have a balanced outlook. And if you can talk about it with a little smidge of humour tossed in, I think it helps to walk through those times with a little wry, knowing smile.

These points are all from the perspective of vaginal births and breastfeeding. Again, it is not my intention to negatively reflect on the experience of others who have chosen – for whatever reason – to have caesarean section births or to formula feed. I am merely speaking from my own personal experiences and choices, to which you may relate if you have also had vaginal births and chosen to breastfeed.

Things you may not know about having a baby:

AFTER-birth pain

Labour is a kind of pain which can be very individual, depending on many factors, including your own personal pain tolerance level. But hey, you knew labour was going to be painful right? Everyone understands that’s a part of labour and nobody can keep that a secret! But what they may have forgotten to mention is that after birth, you sort of go through labour in reverse. Because your uterus has evicted it’s 40-week (give or take) tenant, it needs to downsize and return to its pre-pregnancy shape; it keeps contracting after birth in order to shrink down, so you’re still essentially experiencing something like mild, early-labour contractions even once the baby is in your arms. How long will this last? Again, it’s individual, but a few days generally. And oh yeah, if this is not your first baby, expect them to be worse each time you go through it again. Speaking as a mum of four now, I can attest to this phenomenon – after birth pain gets worse and worse with each baby.

One week post-partum (fourth baby)

The pouch that may never go away

If you were unlucky enough to develop an severe abdominal separation known as diastasis recti, you may never shrink down to a pre-pregnancy shape. It's not impossible (or so I'm told) but this is the journey ahead for me. Severe cases will need ongoing physiotherapy, but more mild cases will still need to independently decide to implement the strategies the phsyio gives you and do the work on your own. A mother's job of kegels will never be done, and focusing on core support is now an integral part of ongoing exercise routines so that your normal body movements, in going through each day as a mother, are properly supported from a strong centre. You are a mother now, and your body tells a story, and that's ok - in fact, it's beautiful. 

Hold on to your nipples!

I can’t speak for those ladies who have chosen to formula feed, but for a breastfeeding mumma your nipples get sensitive real fast after bub’s been trying to suck the creamy goodness out of them. And holy moly, once your milk comes in, and you get into the shower, you best be holding on to those little puppies lest you feel like they are the target practice for a machine gun trying to blow them off! Keep them out of the stream of water or cover them with your hands when you get under the water – trust me, its best you follow this advice. It's a period of time where you just have to say "Hands off! These things are all business and only the baby's domain until further notice!"

Whilst we’re talking about boobs… 

Let’s mention the breast engorgement from your milk coming in. A couple, or few, days after birth, you’ve woken up to find you now have two huge, rock-hard boulders attached to your chest where your breasts used to be. You don’t recognise them at all, and you may not for a long time. Get used to this new feature of your body and be prepared to make way for them with some wardrobe alterations. Oh, you already got fitted for a breastfeeding bra with a cup and strap size up? Well that’s a fantastic start. Be sure to tuck some nursing pads in there and be ready to change them regularly, cos that milk is about to saturate them.

But that nice top that used to fit snug over your chest is now stretched beyond comfort, and that button-up shirt you thought would be a good easy-access for nursing top actually doesn’t button-up anymore. Be kind to yourself and go shopping for a few new things to accommodate the growth in your rack.

Are we still talking about boobs? 

Ah, yup. Back to that engorgement I mentioned. Did they mention the risk of mastitis? It’s when milk ducts get clogged and infected. You can end up feeling pretty ill and of course, the pain, oh the pain! Not only are you now dealing with two of the worlds heaviest rocks grafting to your chest, you now need to be massaging that tender spot, dangling your boobs into bowls of hot water (very attractive position), and your absolutely soaked from either the leaking of the milk or from all the alternating hot and cold compresses to try and get some relief. You can always try the old cabbage leaves in the bra too – done that. Or wetting a clean nappy and freezing it, so you can then stuff a cold nappy in your bra after a feed – done that one too. 

Boobs, boobs, boobs

One to make you cringe… nipple damage. The fear is very real. The pain can often be so unbearable it has the reason many women have not felt they could continue with breastfeeding. Whilst the instinct to breastfeed is present from the moment they are born, proper latch is still a skill a baby often needs to learn – and mumma needs to know too. If that initial twinge of pain from your sensitive nipples doesn’t quickly ebb away as they get sucking then something is wrong. Ask your midwives for help so they can watch the baby latch on to the nipple. Hopefully by now you have become comfortable showing your boobs to someone other than your partner, because you were probably stark naked by the end of the labour anyway, so what’s a little show of nipple to a professional now after all that. If the proper technique is there but the damage is still happening then make sure they’ve checked your baby for a tongue tie or some other reason why they’re just not getting into that good position. The last thing you want in this beautiful new season is to desperately want to feed your baby, but be terrified of the pain you’re about to be in. That kind of dread can sabotage what should be a beautiful time of bonding. 

Shall we move on to talking about your butt? 

Because after labour, you won’t be able to walk straight for a while. Maybe you had some tearing to some degree, or you had to have an episiotomy (I’ve done both), which means you’ve got all manner of hellish discomfort going on “down there”. But the surprising part is how much your buttocks hurt! You didn’t realise, of course, as you were so focused on the pain in your abdomen and with what was going on in that tender place below your navel, but somewhere in that process your butt was going through a few hours of a glutes-only gym smash. You can’t walk because the muscles in your backside are so tight it’ll take days to relax and feel normal again. If only you had the strength after birth to continue working on what you’ve started to build in the booty department after that long gruelling workout session, but that’s not going to happen (nor is any vigorous exercise recommended for about 6-8 weeks after birth, give or take clearance from your healthcare professional) and you’re really too tired, and who cares, and wait – I don’t remember putting the baby back down in the bassinet… 

Sleep deprivation causing hallucinations

Yeah that can happen too. Your partner can’t help with the breastfeeding, that’s all you Mumma, so whilst your working on anywhere between a one to four hourly feeding schedule (depending on your baby, and some other circumstances including which advice you listen to about that) the lack of sleep can really start to mess with you. Like when you woke up thinking the baby was lost under the blankets so you’ve desperately dived into the bundle to save your baby from suffocation only to find you’re wrenching away the shoulder of your sleeping partner but the baby was in the bassinet after all. Or the time you thought the baby was asleep on your chest and your searching all over yourself to find out where he/she has gone – again, they were safe in the bassinet, but you literally cannot remember putting them down!

Thirst and hunger continue after pregnancy

You thought you were hungry and thirsty when you were eating for two? Ha! Now that you’re breastfeeding be prepared to serve yourself a bigger plate and eat lots of snacks in between, and always have a bottle of water with you when you’re breastfeeding. Drink when the baby drinks is a good rule of thumb to make sure you’re getting sufficient hydration. Beware of sweet cravings, that may mean you’re not getting enough protein to adequately supply yours and your baby’s needs. Eat wise, so that you’re both well looked after, and take note of any discomfort in your baby after eating certain things.

But it's worth it...

All in all, whilst some may relate to this, the journey into motherhood can be very individual. Your story will be uniquely yours, and the pages will turn faster than you ever expected it to. Enjoy it all, and cherish it deeply. 

Every time you have to stop to feed your baby is an opportunity for deep, intimate cuddles those warm you to your soul. Every sleepy smile, the length of their tiny fingers, the feel of their velvety soft skin, will be fixed in your memory. You’ll start saying things like “I can’t believe how big you’re getting!” Before you know it you’ll be putting the 0000 clothes into a bag for charity, a friend, or for a potential younger sibling, followed very quickly by the 000 size and the 00 size, and on. You’ll find yourself saying that you miss it all, even though we’ve just talked about how hard it can be. It won’t matter – you’ll always love your babies.